Gone
by lysjelonken
Summary: Angst Jisbon oneshot. She finds Jane sitting on the brown leather couch, sobbing. This hit all of them hard, but none harder than him. Character death involved.


**Gone**

**A very angsty oneshot, because I was in the mood for some heart-breaking sadness.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.

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She found him on the leather couch in the bullpen. It was very late – too late for anyone to still be in the CBI office.

Even the cleaning staff and security guards weren't there anymore.

He was sitting there with his head cradled in his hands. She couldn't see his face, but by the way his shoulders shook violently, she could tell he was crying again.

Since the incident, he's been crying a lot. Not publically, of course. But she's found him crying all too often in the interrogation room, or in his car in the parking lot, or here in the bullpen when no one was around. His eyes seemed permanently red and puffy and black bags hung below them, alerting the world that his insomnia was worsening.

She silently walked up to him, ensuring her footsteps were light as feathers, not to startle him.

She stretched her arm out and touched his shoulder tentatively. His head snaps up and all her suspicions are confirmed.

His cheeks are stained with salty rivers and his eyes are filled with broken hurt.

"Oh… hey…" He says, frantically wiping the tears from his face as if there's a chance she didn't notice.

"Hey. Need some company?"

He swallows and nods solemnly, shifting in his seat to make space for her beside him on the couch.

"So, this is kind of getting ridiculous."

"What is?"

"This whole situation. Something that terrible happening and none of us saying anything about it. It just hangs in the air and eats at us all like a parasite. It's been almost a month, Jane, and you're still having breakdowns every time we leave you alone."

"I'm not having breakdowns!" He argues, but he's really in no position to fight her and he knows it.

"Jane… you know it's okay to hurt, right? She was really close to us, all of us. Especially you."

He nods, but his expression doesn't change.

"Jane… I know you're not going to like this, but maybe you should go see someone. You can call that other therapist-lady you saw?"

"No. I don't want to see anyone. I can handle this on my own."

"We're all having trouble with this, Jane. You can't handle it by yourself. If you don't want to go see someone, at least talk to _us_. We're going through the same thing."

"I doubt it…" He mumbles. "None of you loved her like I loved her, Grace. You and Rigsby have each other to lean on. Cho has Elise. She was all I had."

She sighs heavily. "You know you can trust us. We're more than just a team. We're like family. You can talk to any of us; we'll be your support! Lisbon's death hit us all hard."

His heart clenched tight when she said those words. "Please don't say that…"

"Say what?"

"Her _death_. I just… I can't think like that. Not yet. I don't want to accept she's really gone…" He chokes. "When I walk into the office, I still expect to see her there… I still take two cups out when I go to make my tea, and I still pour her coffee. I know she's gone. I know she's not coming back. But I _want_ her to be back. I don't want to think that she's gone, I can't take the thought."

"Jane… This isn't healthy. You need to accept it. You'll never live a normal life if you don't."

"I haven't lived a normal life since Red John killed my family. Then I came here. And I had a family again. I had you guys, and I had her. I didn't know it yet, but I was falling in love with her. Do you know that I realized that just too late? The day she died, was the same day I realized I had to tell her how I felt. But then the case came in... and I got distracted… and I didn't tell her. I was too late."

Van Pelt felt tears build in her eyes as well. She put her hand on his. "I know this is hard. I know… I know this is impossible to handle… but you have to try. Won't you do me a favor? Go home. Take a shower. Take tomorrow off. I'm sure Cho won't mind. Take the day to mourn. Sleep and just be with her. Then come back and you'll feel better."

Jane scoffed. "Van Pelt, I doubt taking a day off is going to help me get over the death of my best friend and love."

"I know. But it can't hurt." She gave him a gentle smile, then stood up and offered her hand. He reluctantly took it and pulled himself up.

She practically led him to the parking lot and put him in his car. She was pleased when he drove.

But Jane didn't drive to his house. He drove to her apartment.

The one whose lease he immediately took upon himself when she died and her landlord came calling with a sad and sympathetic expression.

He opens the door and locks it behind him; he leans against it and rakes his eyes across the room. Everything is exactly as she left it.

He slowly walks upstairs to her bedroom and goes to lie down on her bed. The sheets still smell faintly of cinnamon.

He shudders to imagine how he'll sleep once her scent is erased by time.

He cuddles into the pillow that smells of her shampoo and imagines the way it would feel if her slight form was cuddled into his side.

Another tear escapes his eye as he falls into a restless, shallow sleep.

Under the taunting gaze of the red face above her bed.

And she's gone…

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**Alright, once again I'm afraid I might not have gotten the plot through – it's Grace that found Jane crying in the bullpen and talked to him. Lisbon got killed by Red John.**

**Real angsty right? Well I hope you liked it. Please review**

**Zanny**


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